andyapples (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} drip) wrote,@ 2005-07-19 18:31:00 |
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Bullshitter:
When I was 18 I had £3,000 in the bank, all of which I had worked for or saved myself. I am now 20 and I have in cash and accounts: 40 euro to my name. I could be a failure, becuase why is it that all my friends are lazing on beaches in Thiland, smoking opium in Vietnam or walking the Siene every day in Paris, meanwhile I can't afford to stay in Dublin, where I've lived for a year, for a summer? Yes, it would appear I am a failure, I am unemployable and I am pretty much over - and you know? There's no point on wasting money on a drama degree that I can never get back. Maybe this course and this city are not good for me. Maybe I should look into another course that I might be able to get an actual career from.
My artist friends are all painiting, my writer friends are writing, even the actors on my course are involved. And I'm smoking my lungs away and making vague friends with people. And there's not even a man I can run to. Becuase the strings that hold me up are slipping off my wrists ever so slowly. And I've never felt like such a bullshitter in my life.
By the way. Big Brother has gone to shit. Makosi has obviously gone insane, Derek is fucking vile, Craig has surpassed his shy self only to become a vicious monster queen, Antony is drowning - he's a lost cause. The only people I can say other wise about are: Sience - annyoing as fuck, but at least he's not bullshiting anyone. Orlaith, a big whore, but she's a tart with a heart. Eugene, who's too docile to understand where he is, never mind what's going on and Kemal - the pawn in everyone's game who (now having been gifted with my support and love) may rise to the top of the pool. He wears his heels so well... And that hair - what a beautiful boy. Niamh? You were right, it only took me so long to see it. Let's go buy me heels.
I want to be on Big Brother next year. Taskes, Sunshine. No rent. Let's do it.
Ian is here. That cheers me up. "Suede."
When I was 18 I had £3,000 in the bank, all of which I had worked for or saved myself. I am now 20 and I have in cash and accounts: 40 euro to my name. I could be a failure, becuase why is it that all my friends are lazing on beaches in Thiland, smoking opium in Vietnam or walking the Siene every day in Paris, meanwhile I can't afford to stay in Dublin, where I've lived for a year, for a summer? Yes, it would appear I am a failure, I am unemployable and I am pretty much over - and you know? There's no point on wasting money on a drama degree that I can never get back. Maybe this course and this city are not good for me. Maybe I should look into another course that I might be able to get an actual career from.
My artist friends are all painiting, my writer friends are writing, even the actors on my course are involved. And I'm smoking my lungs away and making vague friends with people. And there's not even a man I can run to. Becuase the strings that hold me up are slipping off my wrists ever so slowly. And I've never felt like such a bullshitter in my life.
By the way. Big Brother has gone to shit. Makosi has obviously gone insane, Derek is fucking vile, Craig has surpassed his shy self only to become a vicious monster queen, Antony is drowning - he's a lost cause. The only people I can say other wise about are: Sience - annyoing as fuck, but at least he's not bullshiting anyone. Orlaith, a big whore, but she's a tart with a heart. Eugene, who's too docile to understand where he is, never mind what's going on and Kemal - the pawn in everyone's game who (now having been gifted with my support and love) may rise to the top of the pool. He wears his heels so well... And that hair - what a beautiful boy. Niamh? You were right, it only took me so long to see it. Let's go buy me heels.
I want to be on Big Brother next year. Taskes, Sunshine. No rent. Let's do it.
Ian is here. That cheers me up. "Suede."
